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My Mom and I were together a few days before we found out the news, but we knew in our hearts that something was not right. We both had medical backgrounds. We thought we were pretty good at being our own physicians. When my Mom found out she didn't have long to live, it was a real wake up call! My world stopped!
What began as the devil's disease, turned into joy! Jesus was to take her HOME to GLORY and we knew that. We rejoiced in it and we mourned it. My Mom knew the Lord as her personal Savior so we knew she was going Home. Our prayer lives took off like a rocket, something that had always been a struggle. The Lord did some wonderful things in our personal lives with this; something so ugly and horrible turned into joy!
This made all of us realize how short life is and what our real purpose is here on earth. I can only speak for myself on this, but my life has been changed completely and forever! I realized that if my Mom did not have a relationship with the Lord, it would have been so much harder. I know that her heart would have been hard to the Lord. I also realized that if I had not had a relationship with Him, I would not of handled this at all.
Mom and I were always close; it was always her and I against the world. My Dad left when I was two. I continued to see my Dad on special occasions not on a regular basis, but those times changed and became less. I guess sometimes, we just don't know how to love and take on the responsibility that we have started. At the time I blamed him for all this, but later in life you come to realize you do the best with what you have.
In my teens I became a very rebellious child and got into lots of trouble, I did drugs and drank. To get me away from all the garbage I was into, my Mom then, sent me to live with my Dad for a year. I rebelled and withdrew, dropped out of school. My Mom went to pick me up from school one day, it was then that she realized I was not there. When she found me she packed up my things and took me home. While I was away, she had given her life to the Lord; now she was bound and determined to get me to do the same.
At the age of 17, I gave my life to Jesus and was delivered (meaning the desire was gone) from drugs and alcohol. I did not feel any different. The next day I went to school and tested the Lord to see if He was real. I guess I just could not let this thing go without testing it out. I did drugs that day, what would normally make me high, DID NOTHING for me.
Now I was on fire for the Lord, wanting to tell everyone in sight that there is A God...I just could not believe the power I felt that day. Not power in me, but through Him I felt so good. I was ashamed at testing Him that day. But He loved me through it all. He gave me so much from that day on. He gave me the courage to stay in school, despite the fact that I was older then everyone else. I did graduate at the age of 19. Praise God.
The Lord led me to a man that was not yet saved. The Lord allowed me to lead him to giving his life, and soon after that we married. I believe it was of the Lord, but I did not do what the Lord called me to do. I was not a very good servant. I was strong willed. I thought I knew more then anyone. I had a big problem; I always had to be right. I had to win an argument no matter what. So God did not make a mistake in sending this man to me, we make the mistakes of not keeping Him the center of our lives!
I married a man who was 12 years older then me. He was a babe in Christ. Of course I thought I knew more then him. For I knew Christ longer. What a terrible attitude to have. But all changed for us, the second year of being married, we had a child. The most joyous time of a couple's life turned into horror for me (and for this marriage). I was working at a hospital, second shift. My son did not bond with me at all. I was never home enough for him to do so. I was very hurt, upset and would eventually turn very bitter towards God and my husband. The arguments between my husband and I were violent, rude, not a good place to be.
I was willing to try counseling, which we sought at our church. I was married to him 5 years, he became more like the church and I felt he did not seek out what God wanted him to be, and I became like the world again, and left. My son wanted no part of me, for a year he gave me hard time and wanted to be with his dad. I sought the Lord on this issue for a long time. I gave up custody and he was gone. I was no longer was a mother figure. That was the hardest prayer ever! This just added to the pain, was this of God, I really believe it was. Although Satan did have his hand in there all too much!
Needless to say after my son was gone, I went back to world and left all I knew of God in the closet... to the point of no returning to my Heavenly Father or so I thought. I turned away from everyone. He (God) never forgot about me or stopped loving me through all this. He was still working in my life and He was calling me back, I just had to stop and listen. I cried out to Him and that is all it took to bring me back. The doors opened like they had never been shut. My mom called out of the blue and invited me to come to her house and to get my life back in order. The odd thing was (at the time) that she was looking for me. I thought she had given up on me too.
My search for the Lord became stronger; the Lord was working so fast in my life it made my head spin. Now
even though, Satan thought he was going to trap me forever in this place of where I was living, God had other plans. You see my mom and her husband owned a bar, their home was connected to it. About three months of living there the Lord (I know) sent this man into my life, from the time I laid eyes on him, I knew that God sent him to me. The Lord told me this was to be my husband... Now it is not what you think, it was not the looks of this man that caught my eye & heart. It was all the Holy Spirit talking to me. "OH Lord what are you doing to me now?" I was so angry. I wanted no man in my life. Surly He must know this.
I talked with my Mom about what the Lord had told me, and she said that she had been praying for this bar to close down long before I had come there. Well, no wonder the Lord was moving so fast it was all a part of the plan. I felt so unworthy to serve Him and for Him to bless me with another man and a chance for happiness was beyond my comprehension.
I did some investigating on this guy, I found out he was a drug dealer. Lord, what is the plan I don't understand. But when I started talking to this guy, he was truly searching for something. How was I to lead him to the Lord in the state I was in? I told him flat out I don't do drugs and I love The Lord Jesus Christ very much and I am working my way back to Him as we speak. Now where did all that come from, I was even standing back in awe. Andy, said to me no problem consider it done. That simple that quick. Now if that is not the Lord talking AMEN! So our first date, I told him, the Lord has told me we are getting married.... I thought for sure he'd run.
Well, we are now married, going on 6 years now, we have 2 children of our own. We are homeschooling our children and we are very "Christ centered" in our home. We can do all things through Christ that strengthens us; I am walking testimony of that. Such are a lot of people. My son is still living with his father and loves Jesus. We see each other all the time and we are very close. Praise God! My ex husband is remarried and has other children also. I love his wife she is a neat lady. God is so GOOD.
I Praise God for bringing me home when He did for it was only 3 years into my marriage that we found out my Mom had cancer. She was with me when our last child was born. Sara (my youngest) is what I believe my gift, as our all my children. I have 2 boys, and Sara is just like my mom. She acts like her and even looks like her. When my mom went home, this is when our lives were changed forever. Now I just had a baby and things were rough here too. But some how it was if the Lord just broke right through my heart and lifted me so high that I could not see below.
The journey began with many trips to my mom's house taking care of personal needs, for she could not take care of herself for long stretches at a time. Her husband was an over the road trucker. So I took care of her in between. We had "cancer free weekends", she called them. Little did she know it was tearing me up inside. As I am sure it was her too.
When the cancer finally reached her brain it was very stressful. From week to week my mom was changing, mind and body. She did not know me, as I am now, but as the little girl I use to be. I whispered in her ear, Mom I am going to pray with you, I would pray for the devil to leave her and for Jesus to restore her mind. HE did for minutes at a time.... As long as I kept praying! She had to stay in the hospital for a week. While I was there I decided with the Lord 's advice it was best I went home, her husband was making it very difficult for me to be there. He was not allowing the room to be big enough for all of us. So I went back home got a call that night to come back, he needed my help.
As I drove back, I prayed the whole way for her not to die. I stayed over night at the hospital. I did not want her there alone, and I could not understand why; her own husband would leave her there either. I prayed with my mom all night for her mind to come back. The next day she asked the Dr. when she could go home. He said you are ready now. He told me; sometimes terminal cancer patients would let go if they were at home. He also asked there was any unresolved issues in her life that could be holding her back. Well
of course don't we all have them in our life. It is all a matter of Gods timing and it was perfect as always.
The Lord led me right over to her brother's cottage which was not to far from my Mom's home. I asked him if he could come and see my Mom. I told him that before she goes they need to make peace with one another, for years they had not spoken. For what I do not know, and it really didn't matter anymore. He did agree. When he came over to the house my Mom seemed to spring back to life
While I was sleeping that night, she came into the room and woke me. She told me she was in no more pain, and that she could even see without her glasses, I mean really see! We talked for 2 or 3 hours. I had my Mom back with me; my Mom was truly at peace. She said to me, "so how did my brother respond when you went and got him". I said, "he just came with me". Now how did she know? The Lord really spoke to me through all this.
I went home the next day, knowing I would not see her again...now bare with me I cry now. As soon as I left there I started with back spasms, I never had them before and it was terrible. This was all I needed.
My mom continued to talk with me on the phone, but she was really fading fast. A week had passed and I got a phone call from her husband telling me she did not wake up. She was still alive but not responding. She called me the next day wanting me to come there, she could not take it anymore, I planned on leaving. But the next day I woke up my back was normal. I asked my husband to make the call up there. I knew she was gone. I could feel the peace of her leaving. Her husband was still sleeping when the phone rang, but when he went in by her; she had just taken her last breath.
A week after she died, to the day, I had a dream; I walked into this room and she was there and we hugged but there were no tears; she looked just how the bible says with no blemish, no scars. She was beautiful... She said, "you know I'd like to stay, but I'd much rather go". I said, "I know mom, I know." I saw her husband walk in the door, I said, "look who's here?" He had something wrong with his face, only one side though, his one arm was not right either. My mom looked at me with the look of concern for him. Angels were singing and they kept getting louder and louder. It was beautiful and she was gone...But that dream was very much real, it just made me refocus on everything. Heaven and Jesus are very real! Believe me when I say this I never wanted to wake up.
That same day I got a call from the emergency room, my stepfather had a stroke, guess what side? Yes it was the same as the dream.
One month later, he is back on his feet. He had a miracle with him too...but he will not tell you that.
Another month goes by, a woman moves in with him. His girlfriend, can you believe it? The Lord is helping me with this so much...Yes, I was angry, but I have forgiven him. Has it been easy to forgive, NO. But with the Lord helping me I am doing good. My
step dad will not speak to me anymore. I have given this all over to The Lord, He has complete control. I will continue to pray for salvation for my
step dad and love him.
This is my life, my walk is so strong, and since all this I have such a passion for prayer and to be with Jesus. I use to be afraid of the end times, for I did not want it to come so quickly. Now that I have a glimpse --so to speak, I cannot wait. All I want is to be more like be more like HIM. Praise His name for He is worthy to be praised AMEN
Taking a walk through Journals
some more journals of 2 ladies
